In search of a full stop
In Search of A Full Stop | By Samia Bibi | Making transitions, taking a leap of faith and deciding I could no longer be a public service providert or I needed to put my much needed, modestly earned duties; on hold for a more private urgencies called for my outlook.
Whilst growing up I searched for a career that was made for me and little due to my efforts destiny glided me on the paths of becoming a Speech and Language Pathologist. Had I healing power or a guiding soul that I will never know, but what ever little Allah swt taught me or put in my brain through the teaching lights I came across; I earned a hallal living.
After facilitating the forces with my little capacities I was bestowed with a great embarking only to discover I am more in demand at a place I should never overlook. Sov fate decided that I need to take on another role, one that is demanding more of my sacrifices and more of my precious time. It was a resolution coming at rough economical age and a dilemma that once I quit or take a break then I may never ever face another oportunity to start. My child for whom I am at this sacrificing stage may never be graced with a lot of materials of life.
In search of a full stop
The cries of my baby would haunt me on my travel to work, whilst performance of my duty in the process of my academic growth. The thought of me not being their to feed him as I performed my feeding evaluations, the notion of him not having me to talk to each time I took on a client for language needs, the perception that my baby’s mother is not holding him when I held a child would torment me with guilt. I would even end up saluting all my guiding lights and strenghthening pillars that sacrifised their child’s rightful time to make me what I was. I would comfort my mind and soul that it is for my baby’s better today but my soul wouldn’t be at peace any other way.
And thus my guilty concious took me towards a transition of leading me to a journey of being a full time mother.
Here I still am the working mother; for to my little one I am still working when in the kitchen I am making him fries and biryani, I still am the working mother for him cause I am working when I am washing his clothes or doing his dishes as he says “mom your always working” and I think to my self at that time what if I was really working. And now I console myself with the thought that even though I am occupied with stuff to provide his comforts atleast he has me to talk to at more leisure, he is infront of my eyes to see and embrase he is with in my reach to feed and heal.
I believe I was being trained for this for it would not be for my academic and my social and professional training I wouldn’t be able to do half the things I do today with such comfort and ease but here again another transition awaits for my eyes to see for in life here or here after there is no full stop.
In search of a full stop
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